I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
