she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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