Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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