If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i can't believe i had my finger in that
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
