Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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