it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
