I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize