totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
