Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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