yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
lets start a swedish sibling band together
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i dont even know how to be here
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
