Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
