So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
