I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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