the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
