I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
