she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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