Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
