I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
