Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
17 year olds will be the death of me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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