I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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