I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
