i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
