If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
