she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
