Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
