I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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