well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if only i could text you this smell
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
