I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
