Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Less talking, more tequila
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize