i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
from now on my penis is your penis
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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