Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
