I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
