dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
