It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
