I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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