Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
