I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
