I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
