...so i touched it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
