Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize