Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
