Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
