We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
