singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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