I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
