I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
