you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
