I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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