I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
