oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
