Screwed.edu
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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