I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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