she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
