Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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