WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
