Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
