Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize