I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
