I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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