1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
