A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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