I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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