so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
