I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
