He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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