well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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