Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
