No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
