come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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