I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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