At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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