OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
