Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize