I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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