I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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