I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
