it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you never un-have a 4some
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
