Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
