captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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