It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
