i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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