dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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